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Happy Relationships Matter, Issue #57 -- It's Here! No more Waiting!
March 07, 2013
Welcome To The Latest Issue Of Relationships Matter!
Welcome to the Winter issue of Happy Relationships Matter! In this issue, you will read about some very powerful tips for improving your relationships and living a happier, more fulfilled life!!!
The Hamon Group, LLC hopes you have been having an enjoyable and productive winter! And we hope you have avoided the dragon of "Seasonal Affective Disorder." Soon the days will get longer and warmer and more sunshine will make us all feel better. Thank you for reading our electronic newsletter.
If you are in need of counseling and therapy, and you live in central Kentucky, please go to my website to learn more about my services. You may also sign up for Life Coaching services, if you prefer.
Our office is located in the Hamburg area of Lexington, Kentucky, and is very easy to get to. It is located near I-75 and I-64, and is close to all parts of the city.
We are accepting only a very few new clients for individual, couple or family sessions, and it takes a couple of weeks to get on the schedule. We accept most types of insurance along with credit cards. You may want to call Ginny to inquire about available appointments. Her number is 859-264-1175. Here is this month's feature article . . .
How To Overcome Childhood Abuse
Child abuse leaves a lifelong mark on a person. So how do you overcome the ill-effects of abuse and put it behind you, once and for all? Most of us have endured some form of abuse, and most often it is emotional in nature. Whether you have been the victim of emotional, physical or sexual abuse (or multiple forms) you have more than likely grown up to become an abuser yourself. And guess who you are most likely to abuse?
Yourself! You’ve been taught to de-value yourself, and to not take care of yourself.. You follow the negative script that was laid out for you by the abuser, who was following a negative script. Early life abuse deprives us of our basic goodness, and makes us feel we are unworthy of being loved. We expect to be abused again.
Abuse teaches people not to like or trust themselves. They feel unworthy of being loved. So they may do all the loving in a relationship, but be unable to receive love fully and completely. Living life according to an abusive script is a sad way to go. It’s like being stuck in a terribly abusive rut or cycle. And one that’s so hard to escape from!
To gain your life back from the jaws of past abuse, you must realize you did not write the abusive script and the script was wrong. You must come to the realization that you did not cause the abuse, and it isn’t your fault. The person who was wrong was the abuser. Accepting that you were an INNOCENT victim is essential to healing.
The nest step is letting go of guilt. How can you feel guilty when it wasn’t your fault? And no matter what kind of child you were, you did not deserve to be abused. The abuser had a problem. Don’t let him/her abuse you again, throughout time, by allowing yourself to feel guilty for what he/she did to you!
If you are dealing with abuse, please set up a session and come in and talk about it. Or go and see someone who specializes in abuse issues. It’s never to late to get the monkey off your back. Your healing journey begins with the first step. You owe it to yourself. You can change your life. Your situation is not hopeless. If you act to help yourself. You are good and you are worthy of a better life, free from the shame and guilt of abuse.
TOP TEN TIPS FOR DEALING WITH A NARCISSIST
Narcissism may be defined as a pattern of grandiosity, a need for constant attention and admiration, and lack of social empathy, that goes back to early adulthood. It can be a diagnosable emotional disorder, which is called, Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Dealing with an exhibitionist-type or closet-type narcissist can be challenging, at best. Since I have had requests to write further on this issue, I am unveiling my Top Ten Tips for communicating and working with a narcissistic person.
1. Remember those with narcissistic tendencies are coming from a place of deficit, and that underneath, they doubt their worth. They are always in a state of psychological pain, so that every relationship becomes a strategy for massaging that hurt and making themselves feel better and, thus, a strategy for control.
2. Realize they tend to see others as absolutely great or terribly bad (they overvalue and undervalue people)! And they can put you on a pedestal and very quickly take you down. So expect to fall from grace whenever anything goes wrong.
3. Communicate in a positive but assertive way, always setting and reinforcing clear observable boundaries, and briefly interacting in an optimistic manner. This is the trick to making communication more effective.
4. Avoid criticizing. Narcissists are paranoid about criticism and very prone to interpret off-hand remarks as veiled criticism. They over-react to criticism, and most come out swinging, in one fashion or another.
5. Guard against “splitting”. They specialize in splitting people up -- they love to divide and conquer.
6. Avoid becoming defensive and emotional. They are accustomed to upsetting people. They believe it is admirable to do so, and may even enjoy manipulating them.
7. Stay clear of trying to change the person. Ain’t going to happen! Take it easy, go slow and accept who they are.
8. Set and maintain boundaries (rules) for your relationship. Be responsible with them but stay true to yourself.
9. Match their obnoxious traits with empathy and cooperation, and always be assertive, but not aggressive.
10. Remember they see arrogance as a positive trait! So you won't have to wonder how they can act the way they do!
Dealing with the narcissists in your life will be easier if you follow these guidelines. Stay focused on success and good luck!
How Do I Help My Failing Marriage?
Many couples reach a point when they feel like their marriage has stopped working. But they have no idea where to start to help themselves. They may have tired a number of solutions, but none seems to worked for them. So here are a few tips on how to help your relationship.
First, stop pointing the finger at each other. If you are locked into a blame game, you can’t win. You can only lose. Blaming your spouse will get you nowhere. The only way to initiate positive change is to start with yourself and ask what you can do to improve the relationship.
Second, open the door to communication. Research shows that couples who are having problems tend to communicate less. So, start talking and LISTENING more; not to prove a point, but to make life easier for both parties. Learn to communicate positively even when you don’t FEEL like it!
Third, turn toward your partner, rather than away from him/her. Spend more TIME together. Stop making time a four-letter word and get it to work for you.
Fourth, Save time for having fun. Even if you’re disappointed in your spouse, take time out of your busy schedule to enjoy your spouse’s company – do something you both find enjoyable. You can’t be serious all the time, or you’ll both loose. Lighten up!
Fifth, express gratitude for the little things your spouse does for you. Say thanks. Notice any attempt your spouse makes to improve your life and express your sincere gratitude.
Now, remember to do little things for your spouse and take time to make him/her smile. You’re relationship will improve vastly if you stop playing the blame game, communicate more, turn toward your partner, have some fun and express gratitude.
Five Easy Steps To Becoming A Better Relationship Partner
You can improve your relationship and make your life happier by becoming a more desirable partner. Below you’ll find five tips you can use right now.
1. Giving more and demanding less 2. Listening more and talking less 3. Forgiving your partner’s mistakes rather than complaining about them 4. Not bringing up your partner’s past mistakes in the present 5. By telling and showing your partner how much you appreciate his/her efforts 6. Bonus Tip – Focus more mental time thinking of your partner’s strengths than weaknesses 7. Bonus Tip – Avoid criticizing your partner (it always backfires) and always use “soft start up” when you need to have a serious talk
Your relationship will improve the minute you implement these powerful strategies. Why not get started today?
Well, that's it for now, folks. Stay tuned next time!
Check out our exciting new developments and services. Have a great holiday season, and thanks for reading our eZine! let me know how I can help you with your relationships or other concerns.
Richard E. Hamon, LMFT Licensed Therapist Certified Coach Board Certified Supervisor
P.S. It's been a pleasure having you as a newsletter reader. Please let me know if you have any ideas or suggestions for future issues!!! Or if you need help with anything.
Ezine ArticlesIn addition to writing articles for Happy Relationships.com, I write articles for EzineArticles.com, and they get the articles published on the internet. In the past couple years, I have written over 100 articles on all kinds of mental health and self-improvement topics, such as depression and anxiety, loneliness, leadership and management, happiness, relationships, near death experiences, meditation, hypnosis, parenting strong, resilient kids, and interpreting your dreams, etc.
If you'd like to see some of my articles, feel free to run over to Ezinearticles.com, and look up my author's page.
Get the links below . . .
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