How to Solve Your Marital Problems

Most people behave in similar ways when faced with problems in their marriage. The spouses become negative, critical, and angry with each other. They argue and complain. And what happens? Their issues grow, and the warmth and intimacy in the relationship shrinks when the spouses treat each other in such derogatory ways.

Sometimes relationships become so conflict ridden that both spouses avoid them at all costs. Communication suffers. Confidence crumbles. The complaints worsen as the unaddressed problems fester.

Everyone has difficulty with their intimate relationship or marriage at times. It's the nature of things to have occasional marriage problems.

When couples experience marital problems they often add insult to injury by mistreating each other and failing to communicate. Let's learn how to handle these problems wisely.

Here’s the Key – It's How You Communicate

Whenever we have a marital problem it's wise to acknowledge and deal with it. Open the door to communication; don't shut it! Talk to your spouse, express your concern, and ask for ideas on how to resolve matters.

Communicate effectively -- Discuss, don't argue.

How the spouses handle their communication is very important. And it has a huge affect on their intimacy.

One of the big mistakes spouses may make is treating other people warmly and politely but being angry and grumpy with their spouse. It is as if they are trying to deliberately undermine intimacy. As anger and resentment grow, the spouses move farther apart.

At this point, the spouses may fall into patterns of fault‑finding and finger‑pointing, as the relationship spirals out of control. Each person grows to feel like they are under constant scrutiny and are the major cause of the marital problems. He/she can do nothing right.

An air of suspicion and negativity claims the relationship, driving it deeper into the quicksand of frustration, annoyance and despair. They may spend time together but engage in almost no communication, and they lose the intimate friendship that once kept them snug and warm.

Find a Scapegoat

Another marital problem tendency is to find a scapegoat, someone to be at fault. It's like saying, "We're having these lousy marital problems, which I blame on you. You didn't do this or that. You failed me again. Shame on you!"

When you are on the receiving end of criticism and blame, it stinks, right? Any relationship is damaged by constant criticism. Criticize, blame and put your partner down. Okay, you just stuck needles in your marriage.

Criticize and your relationship will suffer.

If you have a critical partner, you will avoid your partner. You'll avoid discussions. You'll feel like crap.

Yes criticism hurts and usually does no earthly good. A steady flow of anger, hurt and resentment fills the space where love and trust used to be. Intimacy fades as you end up wanting only to be alone, or to be with anyone other than your spouse.

Remedial Steps

The key is to avoid making your marital problems worse by mishandling and miscommunication of them. Remedy this kind of charged emotional atmosphere by refusing to dump on your spouse.

  • Don't roll your eyes.
  • Don't talk down to your spouse.
  • Don't blame him/her.
  • And stop treating your spouse like an enemy.

Treat him/her at least as well as the other people in your life!

Criticizing and blaming are not effective ways of handling marital problems. And that kind of an on‑going volatile communication stance will only wreck intimacy and punish your marriage.

Remember, being married and familiar with someone is not a license to "trash" them. Some couples have a nasty habit of talking down to each other, thinking that it’s okay because they are married. Well, it’s not okay.

On the contrary, make a practice of treating your spouse kindly and fairly, despite the problems that may exist in the marriage. Although you may be upset about something, continue to be nice to your spouse. Make an effort to keep the communication going no matter how bumpy the ride may be.

It is critical that you go on caring for and loving your spouse, despite your disagreements and upheavals. You won't need to put your marriage on hold while you deal with your marital problems, if you approach your spouse in a respectful and understanding way. Then your spouse will be more likely to give you the same consideration.

Skilled Marriages Are …

distinguished by the emotional intelligence of the spouses who know how to stay positive, and keep their attention on the relationship and their relationship skills.

They keep giving when the going gets rough. They don't panic. And they keep working to fix their marital problems, whatever they may be. Think about it, you married this person because you felt a special way about him/her. Why would you want to hurt that special person now?

Avoid falling into the cesspool of a juvenile relationship characterized by impatient, uncaring and toxic interactions. Each spouse can learn to be more responsible for his/her own emotions.

The hallmark of a happy marriage is teamwork and cooperation practiced in an upbeat manner.

You have to work with your spouse. You need to have fun together, facing life’s ups and downs in an optimistic way, making your interactions pleasant and comfortable for both.

And not ordeals to be avoided at all costs.

One of the best skills a couple can learn is to handle crises with patience and care.

Need more help? Go to my Five-Minute Relationship Solution here.