Why Relationships FailWhy relationships fail is a good question. We know that success in all walks of life depends at least in part upon good relationships. Actually, good relationships stroke our well being and give us confidence to face life's challenges. They are the truest kind of wealth. There is hardly anything worthwhile that one can accomplish without the help of others. Many Relationships Start off on the Wrong FootWhy relationships fail? They are whirlwind promenades that begin with sex and never seem to get around to the fundamentals of friendship and respect. They tend to be short‑lived and inconsequential. They tend to focus on quick satisfaction, instead of the underlying fundamentals. Forget about it!Please don’t make the mistake of wanting that truly exceptional love life now. Your love life can get better in time, although some people seem to think the opposite. As soon as a problem comes along, they're out looking for another relationship. So, assuming you and your partner have an established and trusting relationship, and you are interested in building a very special future together, you can build a wonderful sexual liaison whose greatest joy is in the building! It can take many, many years to become a truly good lover, and years to know your partner so well you can anticipate his/her every move (or mood). And the learning can be a riot of pleasure. If you establish that you are in it for the long haul. Some Never Learned How to Manage ConflictWhy relationships fail? One of my clients told me that no one had ever taught him how to take care of his relationships that he did not know how. He explained that he had limped through life trying to deal with his relationship blunders, and had no idea how to rectify problems that came up. My advice was to learn fast.What my client was saying in part was that he had not been trained in effective ways of resolving conflict. Many of us grew up in families where conflict was handled poorly. Conflict may have been the norm, but we spent our time trying to dance around it. We knew that conflict meant trouble, and almost always led to more conflict, so we avoided it altogether. My client had developed the habit of discarding a relationship once it developed problems, which left him with a lot of emotional baggage. That's what he wanted to stop, he said. He could not continue to do that. My client has worked out new methods for handling conflict, based on what he wanted to do that his parents did not, and has developed a maintenance schedule for his relationships. And, he is beginning to appreciate the importance of all relationships. He has learned that you can save your relationship, no matter how troubled it may be, if you try. Thus, he is making significant strides in the right direction. But Some Like To Procrastinate… ForeverWhy relationships fail? Maybe it's because you don't get around to fixing them. That can be a convenient way of not dealing with it. It may take courage to do the things we’re afraid of, to say what’s in our hearts, but it beats not doing and saying the right things. And it feels so good when we speak from our hearts and correct problems as they come up, to say we're sorry whenever needed.There is no better feeling than the sense of relief that comes from making a sincere apology to someone. It feels so good to see the smile on the other person's face, as they realize how much they must mean to us. It may only take a minute, but we leave the other person feeling great as well as ourselves. There are times when resentment or another unacknowledged issue pierces the relationship, which falls into a realm of quiet distress where little, if any, communication takes place. It is as if we are banished to Siberia for doing something wrong, or we have sent someone into the frozen reaches of a stark, desperate place for something they have done. What good comes from making that kind of emotional response? It is no way to save your relationship, but maybe you wanted to teach the other person a lesson. Or maybe you’re just too angry to say anything. Regardless, these emotional low periods in a relationship can be very discouraging and harmful. Why not take care of the problems while they are small, rather than allowing the anger and tension to build into a nasty crescendo? So think about why relationships fail, and begin to think about a simple plan of improvement. contact me if you would like my help in devising a realistic plan that will work in the shortest amount of time. Go To Advice on Relationships from Why Relationships Fail |
