Top Communication Skills for Your Relationships

Finding the Courage To Say What You Should Say
Every Single Day

The best time to use the world's top communication skills is now. Why put off saying what you need to say? You may never get to say it. Or it may be too late when you come around to expressing your thoughts and feelings. 

What if you went outside to the flower garden and found that your beloved had died of a heart attack? This happened to a client of mine. She was shocked, especially because her husband was so young and apparently so healthy.

After my friend had buried her husband, she told me all she could think about was what she wished she had said to him or done with him. In some ways, that was even harder. 

She spent the next several weeks telling him how much she loved him in her thoughts and prayers. It was as if she hoped he could hear her. Or, if she could right the situation somehow. 

If she had had some kind of warning, she might have been able to say what was in her heart before it was too late. But so many times there is no warning. Yes, this is an extreme case, but it illustrates just how important it is to say what we need to say on a daily basis. 

What can we learn from this kind of experience?

Procrastination is not one of the top communication skills. How easy it is to stay busy taking care of unimportant things while we put off real and honest communication.

Perhaps it can motivate us to think about what we need to tell our loved ones while we have the chance by focusing on how much good it can do them. Our loved ones need to hear our hearts speak to them. 

Sometimes we want to say certain things, but we simply never get around to it. Other times, we wait for the right time, but it never seems to come.

If we ponder our family and love relationships, think about our friends and colleagues, we should ask ourselves, "What hasn't been said that we would like to say?" 

unsplash-logoSilvestri Matteo

Top Communication Skills: Cultivating A Wonderful Communication Habit

I recommend cultivating the habit of digging down deep and speaking from the heart with all your loved ones on a regular basis. If there is anything that needs to be said, say it now. Don't wait. It's probably going to be easier than you think.  It's harder not to say it. 

After all, taking the time to communicate with care, concern and honesty is an act of love.

For some people who have a hard time speaking directly from the heart, this is a difficult task. But it is possible to learn. And the more you do it, the easier it gets.

To get started honing or building your top communication skills, all you have to do is remind yourself that no one in your life is always going to be there. So why not try to get everything right by the end of each and every day, leaving no cards on the table? 

Say what you want to say and say it today! Sure, you may have to find the right time to bring up something sensitive, but you can make it happen, instead of putting it off indefinitely. 

For example, if you think your daughter is doing a great job as a new mother, then say so and be perfectly clear about it. Praise her! Show your happiness! She may need your praise and approval.

If you're sorry for neglecting her when she was little, tell her. And spend some time talking it over with her, otherwise she will keep struggling with it. If you've never given your spouse enough credit for the love and devotion they have given you, say it tonight! And start changing your behavior. If you need to apologize to someone, do it! Why wait for tomorrow?

Top Communication Skills: Tips for Shooting Straight from the Heart

  1. The best time to tell someone how you feel is when the feeling is strong and you want to say it. Be congruent and avoid putting it off. 
  2. Not sure when to say something? Say it now - now is often the very best possible time.
  3. Keep it simple and be sincere and respectful.
  4. Say it with a smile or a hug, along with a positive tone of voice.
  5. Let your words touch your loved ones in a special way. Give compliments and praise in a sincere but creative way that celebrates the person's life.
  6. Don't be afraid to use the word "love," as long as you remember actions speak louder than words!
  7. Even bringing up something that may cause conflict can be done in a caring and loving way.  Put the other person (the receiver) first, and take care to give them your message in a helpful and responsible way. You as the sender always have a responsibility to the receiver and yourself. 
  8. Use language that the receiver can easily understand. Avoid being pretentious. The purpose is to get a message across, not to show off your verbal acumen. Simplify your message and find creative ways to keep it alive as the conversation moves forward. 
  9. Be transparent, honest and truthful and avoid holding back, while finding a way to be as positive as possible. 
  10. Sometimes it's best to focus on what someone (or the team) needs to hear, and not necessarily what you want to say. For example, you may want to be critical, but being critical will probably be counter-productive. 

Saying what you really want to say is usually easier than you think, if you'll just get started. If you're afraid, do the thing you're afraid of doing . . . and you'll feel so good about conquering your fear. Transparency, honesty and truthfulness are top communication skills that work in every situation.

I encourage you to look into my relationship guide, Relationship Gold, a handy e-Book I wrote to help people solve all kinds of relationship problems and to build cutting-edge relationships, if you'd like help in fixing relationship problems. 

And, if you're afraid to say what's in your heart, consider how quickly time goes by.

Ask yourself how many people, who have moved on, do you wish you could talk with again? What would you tell them? Or would you have said it in a more caring and careful way. There is no room for carelessness in relationships. Everyone should spend the time it takes to learn top communication skills.  

Couple sitting on bench in a sunlit room

More Top Communication Tips

Check out a few of our favorite articles on marital communication, solving relationship problems and building powerful relationships. Find the Keys to happiness, as revealed by the research in the field of positive psychology. 

When you use the top communication skills, which often boils down to sharing your innermost thoughts and feelings with people on a regular basis, you will be giving of yourself in a healthy way. If you practice this wonderful interpersonal skill every day you will never have to wish you had said something . . . you will have exceptionally healthy relationships, and everyone in your life will know how you feel . . . they will feel greatly valued, respected, and supported by you!