True Love

How to Make Love Last

Finding a realistic way to keep your true love alive is no easy task, despite hundreds of articles and books that claim to tell you how. Although there is a lot of bad advice out there, a few sensible, research-driven strategies will have you enjoying a happier marriage . . .  in no time!

Four white roses surrounding a small red heart full of chocolates.

Fact is, it can be difficult to preserve true love in today's crazy world. Of course, improving your marriage or spicing up a romantic relationship is never easy. It’s not easy to change old behaviors, even when we want to. Old familiar brain states cancel out new ones, and keep us behaving the way we’ve always behaved.

True love isn't enough . . . even those in love need to know how to spice up their relationships, especially after the infatuation phase has worn off.

What’s worse, marital counseling often fails to help much and may even make matters worse! Sadly, we haven’t always had good research to guide us in developing ways to help solve relationship problems. But that has changed in the past several years.

10 Ways to Celebrate Your Relationship and Grow True Love

Celebrating True Love

Here are a few of the most helpful ways you can keep your true love going . . . and practical steps in resolving conflict and spicing up relationships, based on the research, and my nearly forty years of professional experience.

  1. Stop nagging, complaining and criticizing your spouse. These negative behaviors won’t result in favorable change and only make marital problems worse. You’ll never improve your marriage by finding fault with your beloved or the marriage.

  2. Focus constructive criticism on yourself, not your spouse! Ask yourself how you need to change to make his/her life happier. Forget about your spouse’s shortcomings, and any mistakes your spouse is making. Take a hard look at yourself and figure out what you need to do to improve your marriage.

    Chances are, improvements you make in your own behavior will go a long ways toward spicing up your relationship.

  3. Don’t wait until you’re angry to start a discussion. Wait until you are relaxed and calm.

  4. A key step in resolving conflict is to avoid starting a discussion with statements that blame your spouse. It’s best to stop talking about your marital problems all the time. Endless discussion based on what’s wrong won’t make your relationship right. And will only cause you to fight more.

  5. Listen your way to a better marriage. The road to happiness and long-term true love begins with your silence. Let your ears do the talking more often and your spouse will feel much better. Listening more and talking less is one of the most powerful steps in resolving conflict.
  6. Focus on the good things in your marriage and devote less time to dwelling on the problems and complaints. There is no complaint department in a marriage. You'll find you can instantly spice up relationships by putting the same old complaints aside and avoiding the same old arguments . . .

    and that may apply to all your relationships, in one way or another.
  7. Only you can make your marriage better. And the journey to an improved marriage begins with your positive and upbeat attitude. Yes, for some, that ain’t easy, being positive . . . but a positive approach really helps your spouse enjoy your company!

    Here's a big tip to help you sniff out negative and problematic behaviors on your part.
    Listen carefully and objectively to yourself . . . and think about how you are coming across to your significant other.

  8. Upgrade your attitude when things are not going to suit you. A snide remark, smirk or angry tone of voice will only damage your relationship. Think about how you behave when you are disappointed with your spouse, and find ways to improve it. Nothing works faster to improve a relationship!

  9. Stop stressing and have some old fashioned fun! You can make your marriage even better by stopping to have some genuine fun more often. Like right now! Why wait? Do something in the precious moment to make your marriage shine.

    Laugh. Smile. Enjoy your partner's company!

    By the way, many relationship problems can be resolved by simply taking a little time out of your day to have some good old-fashioned fun.
  10. When you catch yourself thinking about how flawed your partner is, cancel that thought and think, instead, about his or her attributes. If you find yourself blaming him/her for all the problems, replace that self-defeating emotional mind-set with a more accurate one. It is almost never one spouse’s fault.

Ask yourself how you see yourself and your spouse.

Do you see yourself as better or more important? Do you look down (or talk down) on your spouse? Do you feel superior to him/her? Even if you do not think you are superior, have you been acting superior?

If the answer is yes, you do feel superior or have been behaving in a superior way, your relationship will surely suffer. Superiority is the kiss of death in a marriage or any relationship. To spice up your relationship you have to begin finding ways to see your spouse more favorably, and interject equality in your marriage.

To solve your relationship problems and allow true love to work its magic in your life, you must keep a positive appraisal of your spouse foremost in your mind . . . and avoid falling prey to the temptation to find fault with him/her.

Naturally, you may have to think about yourself more realistically, and re-assess your own contribution to the marriage. It can help to find out how your spouse really sees you. Many relationship problems go unsolved because the spouses may not always be honest with themselves.

Discover more about true love and successful relationships here.

True Love: Final Thoughts

Wouldn't it be nice if there were a magical wand you could wave to keep your true love for a lifetime? Marriages and romantic relationships are, after all, a little tricky! Everyone has relationship problems. And sooner or later, everyone needs to find ways to spice up relationships that have become less exciting or interesting than we would like.

But studies of happy and successful spouses can show us the way. Researchers have documented the skills of highly effective and successful relationship partners. Now we know there are many strategies you can employ to effectively be sure you keep your true love. You can always improve your marriage by applying a few key strategies for resolving relationship problems.

None are more helpful than giving up a contemptuous attitude, and to cease making hurtful comments that overtly or covertly express contempt – a huge barrier to cooperation and communication.

If you sincerely want to learn how to scientifically spice up relationships, the biggest clincher of all may be to make sure you do not view your spouse as being beneath you. See your relationship as a relationship consisting of two equally important partners . . .

and not a one-person show.

It always helps to ask your spouse what you can do to make his/her life happier, too. Listen carefully to the answer and thank him/her for letting you know. Then get to work!

Try these tips to enhance and build on your true love, and keep your relationship going strong. Soon you'll be on your way to a vastly improved and happier life.

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